god, help me.
I have medical issues.
I might be epileptic and narcoleptic.
I have no immune system.
My hair is falling out, I’m dropping weight, I’m always depressed.
My Mom hates me.
My sister hates me.
I’m the black sheep of my family.
I’m failing math and doing bad in other classes;
and if I don’t get my grades up my Mom said she’s going to flunk me and make me a Sophmore again.
I have virtually no friends…
My “Best Friend” beat the fuck out of me on my 16th birthday and has fucked me over since then.
Everyone listens to rumors about me and believes them, assuming I’m a “slut” and a “pothead” and a “bitch”.
I cry myself to sleep every night. Yes. “Cliche” - Fuck it.
It’s true, well, that is, if I even sleep.
I’ve been suspended THREE times….just this year.
I’ve gotten into trouble. More than ever before…
I’ve started to think about suicide again.
I live at home with my Mom and younger half sister. I haven’t seen my Dad in five years and he doesn’t talk to me or send me birthday presents or christmas presents. He doesn’t even pay child support.
My Mom works tirelessly at a job she hates with a boss who hates her and is always trying to make her life HELL.
She barley has enough money to feed us all and pay the bills and she has a piece of shit car that always takes huge chunks out of her paycheck to get repaired.
I feel so guilty.
Maybe if I wasn’t around she wouldn’t be so stressed. She says I’m a failure and a dissapointment and that I stress her out with everything about me.
Maybe if i wasn’t around she could manage her expenses better.
I feel like a horrible daughter because I can’t get a job.
Maybe if I had a job I could help pay bills and help buy groceries so that just maybe we could actually get by for the month.
I don’t like complaining to the friends I do have because my Mom told me being depressed and moody makes them not like me; and that’s why I hardly have any friends. So I just act like everything is okay and let all the problems and stress build up inside me.
Sometimes I wonder… how much better it would be for the people around me if I was gone. And it makes me happy. To think that I could at least take stress away from their lives and just disappear forever.